living forever..

night is falling on the city,the kids playing on the street,somes working to help them parents fill the pick-up ,the food market is close yet,i,like market at night, can buy quickly and vanish in the night,fresh fish barbecue,chicken,beef,sticky rice,and fruit in palm leave '''Issan market'' from the name of north east tribe, ''Renoo',''Kamin'',''Lao'',''Meo'',''Akha'',''Yao'',''Kareen'',alls thoses tribes,mix in a nation,Thai Tribes are for me in a way same as Native American-Indians force to live together with them differnce,with them specificities,they are proud ,and they are Strong, this Country was Never colonized because of them Sacrifice,They are the Keepers of ancient knowledge,ancient rites,You can cross them territories hundred of time ,you'll never see anithing if they don't want . But as a Chaman said to me ...'when you're open your heart,...you open your mind'',So be Humble if you come here ,do not think that you can teach anything that they already know, seat and learn...respect it's always the same thing, when i was asleep this afternoon , i didn't know if it was the tv or in my dream but i heard an old man say to me..we'll only will live forever, just by the tracks we'll let behind us'',isn't that a ''real man''(native american) way of speaking....i have Lakota blood in my family,may be it's for that i always felt outcast in France, never understood when in 9/11 tragic events the tv showed the towers burning in half screen and the stock exchanges values in the over half of screen....my father's alway told me a gallon/liter of blood is ten time more expensive than a gallon of gold, life 's priceless for who know the cost of the lost, why did guy like me used drugs, it's easy to understand ,it'was my ''fire'water'' for stabilize my mind ,and stop the inside bleeding..i said to my mother long time ago,''my heart is just dry blood and dry tears ...i regret the tears she cryed ..saw her son hermetic to any feelings, i was young and crazy full of pain full of rage seeing my closest friends dying one by one, saw my best friend died in my arms ,going jail for not speaking, i was a real innocent,but they changed me in a wolf in an angry wolf,i spent 3 christmas eve in isolation naked they came beat me every two hours, synthetic light24/7 wanted drowned me with a fireman water lance i had to exercise for not dying jumping and running in a room 1.50meter on 2.50 for stayed alive,when they ''feed me'' 3 time a day it was an half bread and hot watercolorised like coffee no sugar,and the dinner they came with the rest of what other inmates didn't wanted even dogs didn't eat boiled vegetable and boiled small piece of meat in a bowl with abig hole so i had to put my hand underif wanted not loosng the juice it always burned my hand but i didn't care i didn't showed them the pain, i never scream, or even said a word when they beated me i didn't wanted show them what they wanted see ...a broken man.. i made time before transcend all of this many years and many mistakes, many time i put my life in jeopardize..live on the edge always on the edge for feel how iam alive... but time ...and death.. kid death...here in pukhet when the tsunami came i was in bangkok not like now i was just on buisness vacationand i receive a call from a friend who told me to take a little girl in phi phi island she was the daughter of one of my good friend who died in this trgedy ,the girl was alive because she saw animals escape ,dogs barking and rats l every beings went in the same direction she followed them.. i came two day after the tragedy i paid army sailors they didn't want anycivilians in the area ..and for cause , it was like the sea swallowed every things kept with her and give back to the beach ...i walked over bodies most was dress in white and blue..the school kids uniform in thailand so i find the girl ,shocked but courageous ,i said to her to look her feet ''do not look around you, please listen to me , just look your feet'' her friends ,her father and me a perfect stranger for her i knew her she was a baby but she couldn't remember so what could i say to her just keep the pain keep her warm and find a way to send her back to france , and for that i want to thanks tha total incapability of the french ambassy and the french official, just simple and humble people helped us no one else ..so why i was angry.. why i used drugs theres many similar stories i can tell real stories who keep mens like me on the over side of the mirror but one day some have to come back.. not for stay ,no.. for explain.we are witness of our world ..we our witness of the human bean fragility and how this world could change if we have an empty memory.....peace